No more champagne

To be honest I don't have any particular feeling toward New Year, or Christmas, or any festive occasion at all. I was the type of kid who gets all hyper and excited about that sort, and now all I did was looking at fireworks and wanting to smoke. One of the thing I have learnt (through movie, how profound) and realized its true-ness this year is happiness is only true when shared. And this time the people I want to share it with are somewhere far far away.

The last day of 2013, I went out for a date with myself. Coffee and cake and shopping and stuff, like how I did it back home. Date-with-oneself always brings that nice, calming feeling. Like no one can interfere you and no one can make you sad. But when you realized that you are by yourself by choice, but also because there are no choices left, it was kinda sad. But I am okay. And this time I mean it.

My heart and my head are always a mess. Most of the time I would be having a crush on someone or getting over someone. Like I always need to need people, if that even makes sense. Later this year I have decided that it was all of crap, it was like an eternal light from the sky come right down my face and enlighten my life (this is supposed to be sarcastic okay?..). But yeah, I mean, yeah. For the time being I am crap-free, and I am pretty much happy about it.

The first day of 2014 I slept through till 2pm. It was raining and I found myself spying on the colorful bird outside the window. I stayed in, finished a book, cooked the I-just-need-to-be-full kind of meal, talked to friends back home and that's it. My skin smelled nice thanks to "rose-and-vanilla-on-discount" bottle of body wash. I am going to work tomorrow. And I want to go to the library to collect some more books. Recently I have been happily buried myself with books and words. Thinking of doing book review but it will be really weird to use words to criticize words, especially when my words are boring.

Books for the holiday

It sucks that I always need to sort out how-I-feel-about-things. Because there are moments like this when I feel nothing and then feel confused because how the fuck can I feel nothing when it is new year I supposed to feel something??? Ha.ha.ha.okay.bye.

From "Love and Misadventure" by Lang Leav. Wonderful poems. I will surely re-read and make deep, thoughtful screencap of my phone about it on Instagram #sodeep #wow #khoaiisgettingdeep