I feel like I have been walking on a thin line since forever, and I guess this is the time when I finally fell out of it. I have been trying and straining every veins in my body to feel strong and be strong. For the longest time ever I have been seeing a gun pointing right at my head and my heart. More cigarettes, more insomnia, more sad songs and more desperate attempt. Nothing has changed.
*boom*
And absolute silence.
I am trying everything to hold it together, yet I guess it has been broken for a long time and not even able to be fixed.
This will be the last hit for the year. I am defeated, bleeding and melting.
This week can properly be summed up like this: work-work-work-movie-insomnia-work-work-very sad-very happy. Lol yeah, that's pretty much it. Now that it is Friday Night and I am sitting on my bed eating chocolate bars for dinner, I honestly don't know where and how all the time of a whole week go without me even realizing it.
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Received 4 of my rolls of film yesterday, and for some reason half of every rolls were missing. Initially I thout that it was because my photos were so blurry or ruined so the lab decided not to send them and so I got pretty depressed about it, I even wrote a sad sad post about it lol such a dramatic kid.
So it turned out that the photos just havent fully loaded yet. So lame. Anw I am pretty pleased with the result, not that my photos are unique or anything, it just happened to capture the moments I love so perfectly. Going through each photo remind me of how I first come here, the people I met, the things I saw and how I absorb all of it through my lens. The problem now is how to organize and upload all those photos since I have like 146 ones. Such first world problem.
----------------------------------------------------- Some of my friends said that since my blog has turned into some kind of movie review and more-public kind of thing, I have stopped sharing my overemotional and dramatic life here. Oh well, that's the price of being popular your know (ok I am kidding sorry..). So here goes, something I have learnt this week, just never ever expect anything from anyone or anything. The moment you start building imaginary scenes in you head, you also start drifting away from the true experience of it. No one will sit there waiting to be what you want in them. The only expectation you should have is from yourself.
Oh, and another thing I am working on: no judging, whatsoever, just don't judge. You never know a person enough to understand them, not to mention judging them. I am still very confuse about all this no-judging thing though. Yeah I think of stuff and at the same time fight myself for it. Meh.
----------------------------------------------------- WHAT I HAVE WATCHED: 1. Gravity:
I have just finished watching this movie but it was so incredible so I just have to let it out first (MY FEELS ALL MY FEELS)
I didn't want to watch it at first, have never been a fan of sci-fi movies, neither very fond of Oscar's winners, but I am so so so glad now that I watched it. One of the best movies I have ever watched. The film was about Ryan - an astronaut on her first space ride where she got in an accident and struggle to survive and find her way back to earth (Ugh don't even read my plot description, just watch the trailer or something).
It is a sci-fi movie and takes place in the space (duh), but I am sure that every single human on earth can relate to it. The movie raises questions and offers visions about life, human's willing to survive and going around that "life" concept. The acting was amazing (think about how they actually just act in front of the green screen), visual was excellent and the soundtrack was just simply perfect. There are many symbols and images that implied the evolution of human, and something even beyond human. I love the scene where Ryan finally made it to the station and she curled up in the form of a child in her mother's belly, such calming and soothing moment:
The way they direct the movie is very interesting as well, many long-shot and first-person-view to make it very surreal and intense. Man my words are never enough for this, you can read the perfect review here and please go have a watch of this movie for yourself, preferably in the big screen; one of those very rare movies that I wish I can go to the cinema and watch it.
2. Blue Is The Warmest Colour:
I have been waiting for this movie for quite a while, don't know why but I was just very hooked when I saw the poster and then realized that Lea the goddess is in it. Finally got to watch it thanks to the Lord Internet.
The movie is about Adele, a high school girl fall in love with Emma - a blue-haired university student and then their love grow and die. It is quite long compared to normal movie (nearly three hours) and the acting of two lead actresses is really fantastic and very emotional. I can kinda understand why it is so successful but it still lacks something to me, I felt the same with The Silver Lining for being the idiot not liking the movie even when I loved the acting in it. The lengthy and exposed homo sex scenes are not as disturbing as I thought it would be, but oh well the movie is simply not my cup of tea I guess.
3. Girl, Interrupted:
Found the song "How To Fight Loneliness" by Wilco from 8tracks a while ago and then found out that it was "Girl, Interrupted" soundtrack. I watched the trailer and learnt that it was about girls in a mental ward so it properly something I would love muhaha.
Honestly I don't know how I feel about it. I mean, having Angelina Jolie and Wionna Rider in a movie guarantee that it is a good movie. And it is. But I don't understand what the film want to deliver to the audience though? The acting is great, the plot is crazy and about literally crazy people, it has the perfect elements to be my favourite fucked-up movies. It's like when you see something and you want to like it but you just don't. Ugh.
Woo hoo just realized that all of those movies above have female as the strong lead characters yayyy
---------------------------------------------- SONG FOR THE WEEK:
Re-listening to a lot of post-rock this week, mostly from Te's mixtapes. If you don't know what post-rock is, try it sometimes when you are alone and need to find peace. Here is the first song that brings me to post rock, still my ultimate favourite of all time. And this is the song I want to introduce to you this week, same band:
I thought film photography suit me better than digital one. I am untalented at photography so I don't like to show people my stuff right away, so film accepts that. I am just that slow, old, heavy and equally hipster. The thing is, now I don't feel like I even deserve using my film camera anymore.
Film photography is supposed to produce beautiful colour and texture on a photograph, it captures moments better, it is unique and unexpected. And for so long I have always been very proud that I am a little bit different from others from owning and using a film camera. I called him Min-chan. Since I came to Melbourne I didn't have the chance to develop my films, yet I continue to photograph with it whenever I can, and I expect great things in it. And after 5 months of feeling nervous and excited to see my final outcomes, I finally saw all of my photos today.
And I feel like I have made Min-chan disappointed. Half of every rolls are not even presented, meaning that they are too bad the lab didn't send them to keep my heart from breaking.
I guess I am being way too dramatic over photos. It's just that, you know, expectation makes life worse. And after all, beautiful moments are beautiful even when they are badly captured. So I guess I will stop being a film-camera-user and gladly be a moment-collector then.
A little quick project I did with Linh, inspired by Petra Collins works on Rookie and by my obsession with movies; and of course Linh's stories. It turned out great, thanks to Linh's talented skill of editing and I am glad I can finally did this, have been planning for a while.
Yet I want to continue doing this. I want to dig deeper to something entitled "The lost generation" with stories and thoughts of people around me. I want it to be like those movie screenshots with quotes that talk your feelings out. But seems like the feedback is not as exciting as I expected haha, and Linh is back home so no partner in crime yet.
Christmas is just around the corner, and then the year of 2013 is coming to an end. But let's not think about how fast time go just yet, all I know for now is that next week will be the-week-before-Christmas at work and I will have to work extra shift and all that. And then the week after that.. They even have two days working nonstop, like from 9am the day before to 6pm the day after, non-fucking-stop. Just know that I will be dead after this and I love you all.
Anywayyy, this is my wishlist for the holidayyy at the moment. Actually for my life. This list seriously can go on forever, human is greedy creature yeah? *that's supposed to be funny i am not trying to be pessimistic..*
1. Damned by NARS lipstick:
Or any dark lipstick really. I have been wanting one perfect dark red wine or oxblood lipstick for so long and this was recommended by Jenn from Clothes Encounters. I want to have that dark, sad,
mysterious look that seems to go well with my personality lol.
Since the day I moved to Melbourne and escaped from the curse of wearing helmet everywhere in Vietnam, I started wearing hat a lot, to a point where people feel weird looking at me without a hat. I feel like a hat make the whole outfit look much more put-together, and a black fedora one would add something more sophisticate and chic to it. Found the perfect one from a shop in Saigon and have asked my friend to buy it for me then bring it to Melbourne when he return hehe. I will see you in 2 months, black hat.
3. Honey by Marc Jacobs:
I actually don't wear perfume that much, very very rare to be honest, I just never remember to use it. Plus my only perfume is mom's, so I don't really love it. Yet I think smelling good is a total plus for anybody, and I love the subtle blend between fruity and flowery smell of Honey (plus the packaging is so cuteee). Not that I will afford or willing to pay that much for perfume though haha.
4. The perfect 60s dress:
Don't know why but from the day I moved here I started wearing dresses a lot. I mean, it's so easy, wearing pants is exhausting. Still can't find a dress with the perfect length and sleeve and all though. Forever in hunt for it.
5. A proper haircut:
My first intention was to keep my hair grow all the way it want until I am back to Vietnam, but mann long hair, especially long bang is so annoying it keep poking in my eyes. I have to spend time to shape it the way i want and then i step out of the door and everything is ruined. I cut my hair once since I moved here, and it was a hilarious scene to see myself trying to cut my hair and look at the instruction on Youtube at the same time, and it turned out even more hilarious than it already was. But again, haircut is expensive as well ugh.
6. Another tattoo:
The thing about tattoo is that you can not have just one. I am thinking about one on my finger and one near my collarbones. Still deciding.
7. Pack of cigarettes:
Just used my last one for Linh beo's photoshoot. And it's sooo expensive to buy cigarettes here *sigh*
8. Kat, my wonderful, beatiful Kat:
Cat is my spirit animal, cause seriously you can't find any other animal that resembles me so much: not friendly but always demand love, weird, fat and lazy, like to sleep and stay at home a lot, yet sometimes when the mood come the cat just kind of run away and disappear for a few day. One of the thing I miss the most about Hanoi is whenever I am lonely there will always be Kat meowing and wanting to be petted. Kat is not at my house anymore (mommmmm whyyyy mommmm) but I will surely bring her back when I am home. If you are a fellow cat lady you will understand what it is like to be really depressed and your cat is the only thing come near to cheer you up (or demand food) yay team cat!
9. Him
If you are close to me, you might have known that I have never had a boyfriend haha. As a 20 year old kid, it's normal and unusual at the same time. Yet I always have a crush on someone I can never get a chance to be with., like right now lol. I hope it doesn't sound desperate, and it's nothing serious, I just really like that feeling of butterfly in your stomach and blushing for no reason kind of thing. It must be nice to have someone to call your own isnt it?
10. Hanoi for a day:
Not coming home for this holiday is my decision, and I won't chose again cause I know I have good reasons for it. But seeing photos of my friends on Facebook, or occasionally "Ve nha di Khoai" from my loved ones makes me homesick. Plus I miss my family and recently I started having flashbacks about the good family bonding times. To add to that my friends here is leaving one by one, and i feel like being left out and crave for someone to talk to and do stupid things with. But yeah, I guess it's nothing and I properly can deal with it.
To end this post, this is the song I listen to every Christmas. Let's rock and roll nheeeeee!
One of my check list for the holiday is "Going somewhere new every week". It really sounds kind of easy, you know, public transport here are great and there are a lot of hidden places inside Melbourne region. But there are always excuses, I might be tired after work, I might not in the mood to dress up, I might want to live on bed for the whole day... It is weird how you can easily give things up and blame the pace of life, it makes me wonder what kind of person I will be when I really get a full time job and bear the responsibility as a fully grown-up independent woman. I guess only time will tell.
So I went to Half Moon Bay on Sunday last week. And since I don't have to work on Wednesday, I got on the nearest train and hop off at random stop and walked around a bit.
As I said to anh Dung who kept asking me why I don't want to meet people, I really do find human fascinating, but I am the awkward type who find it hard to feel really connected to others. Like, what can you talk about, how do you talk and look at people in their eyes simultaneously? (I can't, seriously). Antisocial much? I know I have to fix it, and I know I need to be more open, talk more and all that, it's just not THAT easy, nottt easyyyyy.
I would laugh if I was around this place at that time. A girl standing alone, running in super slow motion to get a photo to express her runaway-mood, wicked.
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OMG how did I forget to write about MUSE CONCERT LIKE OMG IT WAS THE TIME OF MY LIFE. I cried a bit and screamed and danced like no one was watching (there were people behind my seats tho, poor you, sorry not sorry). Thanks God I went alone so no friend can see me in my overly unstable emotional state lol. But it was GOLD and Muse were just fucking perfect. Their live performance was so so good, I just wish I had purchased the standing-ticket tho my seat was so far away from the stage :'(
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Oh and I am out of Mann up, temporarily at least. And to be honest I don't know what to feel about it. I guess I am just too busy figuring myself out at the moment to make inspiration for others. Mann up was something big for me, the perfect starting point, but I can never see myself go far with it. I hope anh Lu and everyone will come back stronger than ever.
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WHAT I HAVE WATCHED:
1. Perfect Blue:
From Satoshi Kon the legend of dream and reality. I have watched some of his works, including Paprika, Tokyo Godfather and Millennium Actress, and now Perfect Blue and every single one of them amazed and moved me in such an incredible way. His films usually deal with the blur line between dreams and what really happens in real life, where the lines are so thin that leads to chaos. No wonder he had inspired so many great films that I absolutely love like Inception or Black Swan (there are actually a lot of discussion about this, like who copy who and all that. I mean, who cares, they are all really good movies and explore the character in different ways, just enjoy it people!)
Perfect Blue is about Mima, a pop star idol that decided to drop her idol career to become an actress. As she moving further and further away from her past, she is more and more emotional unstable and can't distinguish between the movie she acted and the reality. I can't say more about the plot, but it is really really fantastic and intense. I have always have a thing for movies about double personality and pshychiatric matters (to name a few, Black Swan, Fight Club, Hide and Seek, Requiem of a dream are always on top of my favourite) because it is so dramatic, bizarre and interesting to watch people reaching the limit of their own minds and fighting with themselves. On top of that, as I said, Satoshi Kon is a magician with fantasies and reality, so what can I say? GO WATCH IT.
1. The Wizard of Oz:
Well why would I chose an old children movie? It was from a TED talk I watched some weeks ago that was talking about feminism and how woman were portrayed in children movies. Feminism is something I am interested in and that guy talked about how rare it is for movies nowadays to have a strong lead female character (I am not talking about strong as in big and have a warrior costume and can fight, I am talking about female fellows who have her own characteristics and not fear of it, simply as that). In the speech, he talked about how every main characters in The Wizard of Oz were females, including Dorothy, the Good Witch, and the Green Bad Witch (sorry guys I am not good with names..) and what Dorothy did to rescue herself was to be kind and be friends with everyone and be the leader. I think it's very different from how in Twilight where Bella sat by the windows for several months to wait for Edward; or even how Katniss have to use violence and sacrifice lives in The Hunger Game. Yeah, so I watched it.
You must have known the story, Dorothy entered a magic world, she made friends with a Scare-crow who wanted a brain, a Tin-man who wanted a heart and a Lion who wanted courage, and so their journey to meet The Wizard of Oz who will granted their wishes. And after all what they want were always there, in themselves. It's just a very old tale that was made with lovable, brave and kind characters (The Lion was soo funny hahaha). It's the perfect educational movie that kids need to grow up watching, where there is a world with acceptance and equality for all kinds, where fairness and kindness wins and where you know "there is no place like home" *imagining me in that soft educational motherly voice, get it? get it? no? okay*
2. Like Crazy:
I have been seeing this film all over my Tumblr dashboard for so long, and my movie-soul-mate loves it, so why not? But it was not something I expected it to be.
It was about Anna, an British exchange student felt in love with an American guy. There love blossomed beautifully and perfectly, yet with Visa reasons they have to separated over and over again. The movie dealt with how their love struggle with long distance, jealousy and all that. For me it's somewhat like 500 days of Summer or Blue Valentine, not as quirky as Summer and not as depressing as Blue Valentine, but it also feel like a sad cold truth about love, that feelings can fade, and that love is not always forever. I am a sucker for romance, and I believe in something called True Love no matter how sến it is, so Like Crazy was like a gentle punch in the face of a hopeless romantic like me.
The movie was shot by a normal not-fancy camera, and the entire thing was un-scripted (as in the characters make up their own lines) so it felt really real, like you can see that couple in any rounds of friends you have. I still think it lacks of something, but maybe it's because I expected something different in this, so personally it is not something I would watch again.
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WHAT I HAVE BEEN LISTENING:
Not that I expected anyone to read this far haha but thank you very much you cute creature. Then let's me tell you something personal. This week has been tough, and my mood has dropped to the point where I started questioning and doubting every single thing about myself. It's when I feel ultimately empty and worthless. You know, just a 20-year-old-crisis. I can't say I am out of that feeling and so in love with myself yet, but it gets better, it always get better.
Whenever I feel depressed I would go to Radiohead. Man, their music has the effect that makes you feel like melting and evaporate and then completely disappear, just exactly what I need. Creep is my favourite, and I often think of it as a "song of my life" for feeling like an outcast and never be good enough for anything or anyone. Meh I will stop talking about me now, enjoy the music x
Gần trường tôi hồi trước có một cái hồ nho nhỏ. Nó đủ nhỏ để đi một vòng hết một câu chuyện, và nó đủ lớn để đi một mình.
Tự nhiên dạo này tôi hay nhớ đến cái hồ đấy. Có một lần đang chuẩn bị đeo tai nghe và đi lòng vòng quanh hồ thì gặp chị My:
"Này mình cứ đi cùng nhau nhưng không nói gì nhé?"
Và chúng tôi đi quanh hồ, nghe nhạc của mình, nghĩ chuyện của mình, cùng nhau.
Thỉnh thoảng người ta sẽ cần như thế. Những cái sự một mình thì cô đơn và những cái nhiều mình thì mệt mỏi. Bây giờ tôi chỉ cần đi một nơi nào đấy với một ai đấy, và không nói gì cả, nhưng mà khó phết.
The last week has been, uhm I don't know, okay? Work gets easier, though I still have too much free time and have no idea how to use them wisely. So many unfinished writing drafts, potential projects and untouched ideas; just so you know ideas are not the only part, it's your determination that makes things work. I have set out list of things I want to do this summer, and summer has gone by a month with very little stuff done or even started. So yeah, better make some move.
But just in about more than 12 hours, I will be in a Muse concert, a-MUSE-fucking-concert! It just make everything better and I will properly up in heaven by tomorrow. Oh my gosh how to handle all the feels!?...
But first thing first, as I said, I have quite a lot of free time in hand, like, a lot. So I decided to do what I have always want to do, everything at once, write blogs about movie review, music I listened to, things that inspired me lately etc. I always love reading and discovering blogs with similar weird taste with mine, so hopefully my blog will be in interest for someone out there, wandering in space, looking for someone like me *dreamy music on*.
*ba-dum-tsss*
WHAT I HAVE WATCHED:
These are just very shorty short review of what I feel/ like about those movies, just general recommendations. I would like to analyse more but that will be for other movies that I feel more emotional attached to :-)
1. CITY.BALLET
This show is so amazinggg. I have always find it fascinating to watch documentary about people with passion doing things they love, and this is one of the best! It opens the door to the ballet world - here takes place in New York City Ballet, to see how hard it is, how much to sacrifice and yet how wonderful and beautiful that world is. Each episode is about 6 minutes long, so I spent one night watching the whole show and was completely moved by it. You just feel like stepping in a different space, a world full of ballet shoes, tutus, jumps, lift, emotional movement; where children from 3 start practicing tip-toeing and people at 25 start thinking about retiring. Just so eye-opening. Definitely recommended. And it's online, free and directed by Sarah Jessica Parker, what can be better than that? Watch it HERE.
2. FACTORY GIRL
I have been quite obsessed with the 60s lately, culture and fashion wise; so I have been looking for movies that take place in that period. Factory girl is a biographical movie about the Superstar Edie Sedgwick and her relationship with Andy Warhol, therefore exposes the underground art scenes and celebrity world in New York at that time. Apart from the controversial plot (which is very interesting, but since I dig further than the movie I found out it was not 100% true so I was a bit dissapointed, but still a very good plot), fashion of the movie is just to-die-for. Never have the urge to have a leopard coat that bad in my life lol. A great movie in general, and if you love art and fashion, it's a must-see.
Sienna Miller (as Edie Sedwick) is just drop dead gorgeous ugh so chic.
3. CLUELESS
As you can properly guess from the poster, Clueless is a total classic comedy teen movie. The movie involves around Cher, a beautiful, extremely wealthy and fashion-obsessed teenager; who is trying to do "good-deed for the world" by helping her new friend to make over. Lovable characters, classic and easy plot, funny lines - the movie is just an easy choice for any day and any situation. Furthermore, again, an absolute inspiring 90s fashion movie with short skirts, high knees tights, fur bags and everything pretty.
4. MY P.S PARTNER:
Have just finished watching it. As expected from a Korean romantic comedy movie, it was good and funny, with a touch a sensual sense (it's 18+ after all, cheeky hehe). But the problem with Korean romantic movies that they are so unrealistic but still make you want something similar lol. A good movie to entertain anyway, not very remarkable or anything though.
WHAT I HAVE BEEN LISTENING:
This week is all about Woodkid. Omg I die in his voice. I first listened to Woodkid about one year ago and have been obsessed with I Love You since then, but for some reason never bother to listen to the whole album. And now that I did, I will never regret it.
Woodkid's song has this warm, melancholy and echoing thing going on that in my opinion is kinda similar to how I felt about Lana Del Rey (still dying with every songs of her). His lyrics are beautiful and out-of-this-world as well, I would quote every lines of his songs as my Facebook update if I can (see how much I LOVE HIM??). Woodkid is a director so no wonder why his music videos are just so freaking good (he directed Lana's Born To Die and many other artists' videos as well). Sigh, some people are just good at everything you know.
My favourite songs of him so far are I Love You, Brooklyn, Wasteland, The Shore and Iron. I prefer the Iron EP than the Golden Age album but properly that is just temporary. I can see myself in a very near future listening over and over to both albums, yeah I am just that much predictable.
Have a good week people x I will go dreaming about MUSE now brb crying.
Mình để ý đến The Lost Thing trong một lần đi ACMI - bảo tàng về điện ảnh ở Melbourne (Đây cũng là bảo tàng mình thích nhất ở Mel, cũng đã phải đi đến 3 lần dù bé tí). Poster phim và sách được trưng bày rất nhiều ở quầy lưu niệm, nét vẽ vừa cầu kì vừa đơn giản và màu sắc theo tông vàng-đỏ mình rất thích; thêm cái tựa dùng để hấp dẫn những-đứa-cô-đơn nữa. Nên là vào một buổi tối mưa mưa rảnh rỗi, mình đi vào thế giới của The Lost Thing.
Mình rất thích tông màu kiểu này, cứ vintage kiểu gì ấy!! Nét giống mấy phim hoạt hình cũ cũ của Pháp hồi xưa nhỉ?
Phim rất ngắn - 15 phút và có cảm giác như đọc một câu chuyện tản văn nho nhỏ. The Lost Thing kể về một anh chàng nhìn thấy một thứ kì lạ - "It has a weird, sad and kind of lost look" và đi tìm chỗ ở cho nó. Chỉ đơn giản và nhẹ nhàng như thế thôi, hơi vui vui, hơi buồn buồn. Khung cảnh xung quanh là một thành phố bận rộn và xám - kiểu một thành phố tương lai bi quan với những người ăn mặc giống nhau, làm những việc giống nhau. Và The Lost Thing, dù màu đỏ và mang chuông leng keng, thì cũng chẳng ai chú ý đến nó cả, ngoài anh chàng kia. Nhạc phim hayyy, đối với mình nhạc phim hay luôn có thể cứu bất kì một bộ phim nào. Mà thôi có môĩ 15', dừng lại một tí mà xem cũng sẽ thích lắm!
- Hôm qua đi xem phim được tặng một túi goodies gồm có body butter, lip butter và mấy thứ nho nhỏ khác. Tắm xong bôi lên giờ người cứ thơm thơm mùi dừa, thật là mùa hè.
- Những thứ mình hay ăn, mọi bữa, mọi hôm: chuối, greek yogurt, các loại berry đông lạnh, ngũ cốc thập cẩm. Trộn hết vào nhau. Bữa sáng, bữa trưa, bữa tối và các thể loại bữa ăn vặt khác. Siu mát mẻ và ngon lành hí hí.
- Làm ở Tam Tam Sushi thật là thích. Cho mình ăn cơm và đồ ăn mang về, gọi mình là con xưng cô. Có những niềm vui thật dở hơi như một chú cún. Tiện thể thì Donut King đã gọi đến thử việc, rất toẹc!
- Hút thuốc trở lại, đội ơn Minh. Còn có 4 điếu biết để dành như thế nào đây..
Đại loại là vui vui vui niềm vui của sinh viên cô đơn kì nghỉ hè :x
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