I don't know if it is about the nature of the job, or it is about me not having enough enthusiasm and determination, but truly I know this is not going anywhere. I am not happy with what I am doing, I am not excited to go to work. Everyday is repeating itself like a boring movie with only one scene of me sitting in front of a laptop waiting for 9 hours to pass. It is common sense that a job is simply a way to make ends meet, and in my case it is, 100 percent, just that. I need money to survive in India and travel to all the places I want to go. So I sit, I wait, I go through my days not knowing where I am going and what I am doing.
In those days, apart from blaming myself or somebody else involved in the scene of the dissatisfying job, I start thinking of what I want to do in those precious hours, and I can only come up with a faint picture of that "ideal future". If I am that much upset of the present, what is it that I want to do instead? Or is this whole situation the result from me not appreciating the present? Is it an urge to change? Is it what?
I have always say, I want to create. I want to make. I want to inspire. But let's be real, I don't really have it. "It" here is what you know as talent. And even if I have it, it is somewhere hidden deep inside that I haven't yet to find out. My photos aren't that good, my videos aren't that creative, my words aren't that meaningful. And what exactly I am trying to convey in those soul-less objects besides catching some cyberspace attention anyways?
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I really want to appreciate this. I really don't want to let this flow by.
1. I want to let you know that it feels so good for me to just sit down in a pieceful corner I mean your blog, and read something so sincere that I don't normally see in my everyday's routine. It may not be so peaceful to you as I can sense from your words, but it feels to pieceful from the sincerity you've spread around and may I say thank you. (hehe)
ReplyDelete2. I've been struggling with myself and picking options and making decisions lately, post-graduation period you know. Then I read your latest blog. Your words are so real and it did hit me from your very first sentence that things are fresh when they happen, like I had to literally repeat reading that sentence several times, felt it for a moment before moving to the next. And I suppose your way of word expression has changed slightly, hasnt it? In a better way I mean. Your words are so real and somehow poetic at the same time haha or maybe I haven't read that a lot of your blog. Anyway, it is good and it is inspiring, for me, especially at this point. This links to note number 3.
3. It's a nature that you will get bored of every job, proved by everyone, if not lies. I blame myself everyday every minute, too T_T I blame myself when I'm at my boring work space, doing nothing productive but sitting there clock ticking money. I blame myself even more when I quit my job, sitting at my own space, doing nothing productive clock not ticking money, so lame. Now that Ive just finished reading this entry of yours do I feel that we all worry too much and demand too high. Well, It took me a while to stop thinking about all of that in details and start noticing what've done and achieved as a whole. As you are now, your photos are good, you are inspiring, you may not have "it" but you have something.