Requiem For A Dream

Requiem For A Dream luôn luôn nằm trong top favourite của mình, và là một bộ phim kén chọn thời điểm. Mình xem Requiem lần đầu tiên vào tầm 2, 3 năm trước; và cho đến giờ thì mình không còn nhớ nội dung của phim là gì nữa, chỉ nhớ cái cảm giác khi xem xong nó vô cùng căng thẳng và đờ đẫn, nó giống như một cơn bão đến quật ngã tất cả và cuốn phăng bạn đi vậy. Vì thế nên dù rất rất thích, mình không có ý định xem lại Requiem. Mình sợ, nói nhanh là vậy.

Nhưng hôm nay tự dưng mình cảm thấy mình cần xem lại, ngay lập tức. Chẳng hiểu vì sao lại vậy. Mình chỉ cảm thấy rất muốn xem. Dạo này hay nghe nhạc của Thirty Seconds To Mars cũng đã có ý định rồi, nhưng mình cứ ấp ủ phải để dành vào một hôm mệt mỏi nhất muốn chết nhất. Tự dưng vào một ngày chẳng có gì đặc biệt mình lại lụi cụi down phim và (lại) hoàn toàn bị chinh phục bởi Requiem.

Tóm tắt về nội dung, Requiem xoay quanh sự tàn phá của thuốc, ý mình là drugs - các chất gây nghiện nói chung. Nó không chỉ giết chết người theo nghĩa đen, thuốc thực sự hủy diệt tất cả các mối quan hệ của những người liên quan; và Requiem nói riêng đã thành công xuất sắc trong việc đẩy tất cả mọi thứ lên cực đại và dồn tất cả những nhân vật đến ngưỡng cuối của sự chịu đựng. Mình không muốn nói quá nhiều về nội dung, vì Requiem không đơn giản, nó trải qua một-quá-trình diễn biến tâm lí và sự kiện bước ngoặt và rất khó để kể ra mà không spoil. Nếu muốn nắm bắt được mood và nhìn thoáng vào nội dung của phim bạn có thể xem trailer, cũng được dàn dựng rất tuyệt:

Xuyên suốt bộ phim tất cả các khung cảnh được diễn ra trên tiếng rền rĩ của Lux Aeterna. Chỉ riêng bản nhạc này đã nói lên sự tuyệt vời của bộ phim rồi vì nó cũng giống như một bản cầu siêu vậy (Requiem có nghĩa là cầu siêu, Requiem For A Dream cũng giống như một trường ca khóc than cho những giấc mơ đã chết). Điều đặc biệt mà mình thích nhất ở Requiem là cách quay phim và dàn dựng hình ảnh vô cùng độc đáo. Mình cực kì thích cách mà máy quay đặt rất gần khuôn mặt và "xoay" cùng nhân vật (như lúc Ty chạy hay lúc Marion đi ra khỏi phòng sau khi làm tình), theo mình thì nó thể hiện sự chông chênh, bế tắc và hoảng loạn một cách rất thú vị. Cách đặt fish eye làm cho khuông mặt méo mó và làm méo tiếng lúc bà mẹ Sara đi khám bệnh nữa cũng thể hiện một sự điên loạn về tâm thần. Just pure madness.

Phim có rất nhiều đoạn cảnh được cắt nhanh và lặp đi lặp lại. Cách này khiến người xem cảm nhận được sự ám ảnh và phụ thuộc vào chất gây nghiện. Mình cũng thích cảnh nói chuyện với nhau của Marion và Harry nữa, màn ảnh được chia làm hai nửa, một bên là mặt, một bên là các cử chỉ tay âu yếm, rất thú vị. Cũng có thể là sở thích cá nhân thôi, bản thân mình thì luôn thích nhìn vào những thứ như tay chân miệng hơn là tổng thể.

Nói về những giấc mơ, mỗi nhân vật trong phim đều có một giấc mơ. Sara mong được lên truyền hình, không phải vì bà ham nổi tiếng, mà vì bà muốn khoe với cả thế giới về người chồng đã khuất và người con trai mà theo bà là đã trường thành và đang thành công về mọi mặt. Harry và Marion mơ về một tương lai mà họ có thể cùng lập ra một nơi để Marion bán những thiết kế của mình. Ty thì mình không rõ lắm, nhưng được hé lộ rất khéo léo giấc mơ về mẹ của anh. Và như tên gọi của bộ phim, Bản cầu siêu cho những giấc mơ, qua ma túy và sự phụ thuộc không thể kiểm soát được vào nó, những giấc mơ ấy héo mòn và chết tức tưởi (xin lỗi vì mình dùng từ dở hơi, nhưng nó không chỉ đơn giản là chết và chìm xuống, nó đau đớn và tàn phá như bị điện chạy dọc người vậy). Mình đặc biệt thích những cái kết của Darren Aronofsky, như cái kết về sự hoàn hảo ở Black Swan, còn ở Requiem nó là cảnh tất cả các nhân vật co người vào nằm một phía, và cuối cùng là cảnh trong mơ của Sara - nếu như "tất cả đều ổn". Sara trong bộ váy đỏ và đôi giày vàng mà bà luôn nhắc đến, ôm lấy cậu con trai thành đạt trong tiếng vỗ tay của người xem. Cảnh cuối giống như một tiếng hét cuối cùng, một dấu chấm cho tất cả và làm tê tái đến điêng người.

Mình rất rất thích những phim đẩy tâm trạng và mọi thứ lên mức cao, có thể vì dạo này quá chán với những thứ lặp lại nên mình cần một điểm quá mức như Requiem. Chẳng biết lần xem Requiem tiếp theo sẽ là bao giờ hừm. Nếu thích kiểu như mình, bạn có thể xem Fight Club, Memories of Matsuko, Helter Skelter, Kokuhaku... Đều là những phim rất ám ảnh và rất đẹp. Thật ra nỗi buồn thì chả đẹp đâu, và đến cái mức con người ta phải điên cuồng vì nó thì chả hay gì, phim ảnh và các bài hát romanticize mọi thứ lên thôi. Nhưng chả sao, cứ xem để cảm nhận, để biết còn rất nhiều thứ và rất nhiều cuộc đời khác nhau ở ngoài kia, và biết trân trọng những thứ đơn giản mình có được. Đối với mình là vậy.

Nghe nói mai giao thừa haha. Mình chả cảm thấy gì, không một tí gì cả. Cũng tốt, đỡ buồn, nhưng cảm thấy trống rỗng kiểu gì ấy. Kiểu một cái thùng đập vào sẽ kêu bong bong bong những tiếng rất dài rồi chìm lỉm.

Xin chào.

PS: Vừa nhìn thấy cái ảnh này, so sánh Perfect Blue và Requiem. Hô hô chẳng biết mọi người thế nào chứ mình thấy rất hay khi một bộ phim mình thích được inspired từ một bộ phim khác mình cũng siêu thích :))

PS 2: Ôi trời ơi quá nóng lòng được gặp anh Jared vào tháng 3 hú hú.

All We Need Is Faith

Jacket: Thrift

Shirt: K-mart

Skirt: Cotton On

Banana Socks: Cotton On Body

Shoes: Aldo

Round sunglasses: My bestie's shop

Aloha weirdos,

I bought this jacket years ago, from a second hand market in Saigon. It was really big and structured like a bomber jacket, so when I wore it I would look like a giant-something. But lately I was into the 90s-punk-kid look, so it just magically seems to fit everything. Denim jackets are never enough, duh.

Something I have to work on soon: learn how to edit colour on photos. Apart from the super skill of using filter apps on iPhone I really don't know anything about it. Man iPhone is great, but all of my images would get resized after layers of filters, and I want you guys so see the HD-version of me (oh lucky you) so yeah, let's say goodbye to Afterlights and Snapseed for a while.

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I have just booked tickets to Tasmania with my broends (they are friends, but they are bros, get it?). And also got ticket to Thirty Seconds To Mars concert. I didn't listen to 30s music before this, so my first motivation was just to see Jared Leto's beautiful face lol. But now I put their last album on repeat every single day, especially "End Of All Days", so good ugh. They reminded me of how I got so into My Chemical Romance back when I was 15. Well with that being said, all of the exciting part of my life will be in March, still have more than 1 month to go. Everyday is just an endless loop of the same thing, over and over again. I feel like I am being wrung out every drops of motivation and inspiration. Humph.

I'm tired of the waiting,
For the end of all days.
The prophets are preaching,
That the gods are needing praise.
The headlights are coming,
Showing me the way.
The serpents are singing,
A song that's meant to say.

So you are thinking of studying abroad?

Normally I would have written this in my journal (the less cheesy name for diary), because it is somewhat personal, but I guess it will be in use for somebody.

My room right now has three cups, obviously unwashed, contained the leftover of my breakfast, my afternoon snack and my dinner. I hardly remember the last time I created something other than cereal and toast. And my lunch would be at work, where I eat in less than five minutes, behind the back door near the dampty-smelled hallway. I would eat and hurry back to work, which sometimes would cause cramps in my stomach because no normal person would eat so quick and run right after it, like mom used to say when I was little. After work I would climb to the bus and spend the rest of my day unconsciously checking my phone or watch movies till red veins appear in my eyes. And that would repeat for days and days and weeks and weeks.

That is one side of living alone, of being free, of studying abroad.

I read an article about students living abroad's lives, and I literally can't stop laughing about how miserable our lives seem to be. Oh yeah their are part time jobs, there are homesick, there are total boredom, there are deep loneliness and anxiety and much much more. They are all real. As I have said above, my experience as someone away from home on education mission is not at all glamorous. If I would film myself in some artistic angles and add melancholic music in I would have cried watching myself munching on chocolates and cereal for dinner and staring blankly outside the windows.

But there is so much more about being alone, there is so much freedom and so many things you can do. Earning your own money, travelling alone, buying the most ridiculous thing (in my case, a rooster onesie, totally awesome), and basically do whatever the fuck you want. Here are some in my list:
- Climb the door to escape at 5am
- Lie down on the street looking at stars
- Don't even bother with dinner (come on, chocolate for dinner is not THAT bad, duh)
- Travel alone
- Party, then party some more, than party some more
- Hunt free furniture on the street, then bring it back to your house, w-a-l-k-i-n-g.
- Go to your dream concert (because not every cool bands go to Hanoi)
And much much more. I am not much of a party animal / hardcore person, since my ideal day off would be going to collect some books in the library. But even that would be a bliss when you know that you can just do whatever you want. And you learn SO much from everything, from the new culture, from the friends you made, from the crappy jobs you have. Just step a step outside and there is already a new world awaiting. Despite for how many times I complain about work, about being lonely and everything, I wouldn't trade anything for this opportunity to know what it is like to live abroad, to be alone, before it is not even a choice anymore.

I don't really get what my purpose of writing this either haha. I just want to say that, being an oversea student is fucking awesome, millions of kids dream to have that reality, so seize it tight. Squeeze it out. Use it to grow up. Man, just stop complaining on Facebook.

Bye.

Sydney - In Film

One thing I can tick off in the list of "Marvelous Achievement in Melbourne" - apart from creating the worst dinner ever - is first time travelling alone. And it was Sydney.

Sydney was full of sunshine, and sky-high twinkling buildings. Like how my friends said, if Melbourne is the hipster / vintage heaven like Hanoi, then Sydney is the hectic, fast-pace sunny place like Saigon. I stayed at my father's friend's house, they were friends in high school and have never met again since then. So it's just amazing how they still be in contact after all these years (people don't have email and stuff back then yeah?). She is an amazingly kind woman, someone whose hugs are tight.

"Can I photograph you?

Nooo I don't want your parents to see me through photos. Tell them to meet me in person. It will be incredible fun then, think about how we all have changes through time."

I should have photographed much much more than this, especially in film. But man I keep forgetting to bring that heavy piece of metal, so these are all I got for Sydney. Such a shame I didn't bring it to Blue Mountain, properly my favourite place in Syd. 

On the train to the airport. I had to get up at 5 am to catch the train, and since it was way too early to people to function, my landlord hadn't opened the door yet, so I did some action-movie moves to literally climb out of the house. Still miss the flight though.

Breakfast - Waiting for my flight

Sarah

 

The famous Opera House. Only gorgeous from afar though haha.

Sydney Airport.

Carpe Diem

I have been meaning to create a more fashion-stuff-related-thing for many years. But with so many excuses and self doubt of being fat / ordinary / non-fashionable I have never really started doing it. 

Then why now?

I can't say that things have change, or I am confident with who I am and how I look now. But moving to Melbourne I have got to see so many people in so many different shapes and styles trolling in the street, enough to let myself believe that being thin or conventionally pretty is not something crucial in expressing yourself through clothes. *wow~ confident~ wow~*

I guess I see this as a progress I am making as growing up - accepting who you are and loving it; more than making a so-called fashion blog. So, uhm, yeah. That's pretty much the back story for the "Outfit" section that will start from now on *self-fiveeee*

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Two things that I have a burning passion for: canvas tote bags and quirky socks. I just have to buy them whenever I can find any affordable options, so it has grown into a little collection of both. 

So the Carpe Diem tote bag and gingham socks are my latest items in the collection, love them both sooo much x So far my tote bags are all by pretty thin material, and they can be ruined very easily and quickly (which broke my poor heart) but this one is very thick and firm and just perfect with that positive hipster print (oohhh a triangle so deep).

Hat:                    Thrift

Shirt:                 Asos - Thrift

Jeans:                Cotton On

Socks:                Topshop

Oxford shoes:   Aldo - Thrift (Hugee bargain ughh I love thrifting)

Tote bag:          Jays Jays

instamgram / lookbook / flickr

They say I am crazy, but you told me, I am golden

Ohhh heyyyyyy no oneeeee

Soooo my life has been just exactly ordinary and uneventful as it always is. I work more shifts, got scolded more (the more you have been familiar with things, the higher your level of not giving a fuck is). I have the worst pay ever, yet because I just want to get it over with and leave when school comes again so I don't even bother to change job or anything anymore.

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I am the best at procrastination, I even procrastinate from doing things I would love to do, if that even makes any sense. For example I should reply email to my friend, and the draft of that particular email has been sitting in my mail box for a week. I guess I have been way to comfortable and lazy in a repeated routine, even when it involves work - yet I never have to really use my brain to do anything, besides reading, but reading is also a pretty passive action. I don't know, I am a little scared of my own state. I am bored constantly now and I want a change once in a while, but what if it would come to a point where I am too lazy/unmotivated/familiar to do anything anymore?

I know the answer I guess. And the solution is crystal clear: I have to start doing t-h-i-n-g-s. What the fuck is holding me down?
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Well at least I did do something fun this week, huge thanks to anh Dung - the only one left in the city who would bother to drag me out of the house and go somewhere far with me. We went hiking this week at a place near Dandenong, somewhere called the 1000-steps-walk kind of thing. Believe me, I am never in a million year an athletic person, and before we even reach the first step of that 1000-step-to-death I would want to give up and die already. But somehow with magic I made it to the top, and down, alive and breath. Haw yeahhhh !

Some photos we took on the day

Well the day after that I had to work and my legs were dying. Still alive yo!
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WHAT I HAVE BEEN WATCHING:

You know me, after two weeks of pure boredom, my list of films-i-have-watched-and-hug-to-sleep has been getting longer and longer. So I guess I will only mention those that still have some print in my brain. So here it go:

1. Her:

I watched the trailer several months ago and was SO EXCITED to watch it. It is about a ordinary, slightly antisocial man falling in love with his artificial intellectual system, named Samantha. Don't worry it is not as creepy and weird as it sounds. Or maybe it is. But the movies flows so lovely and heart warming, and it shows you a dimension of love that is totally ridiculous but real. The whole thing was so incredibly emotional, beautiful cinematography and wonderful soundtrack. Samantha was voiced by Scarlett Johanssan, and if there is any lesson that should be learnt in the movie, it is that Scarlett is super sexy even with only her voice. Ugh.

2. The Secret Life of Walter Mitty:

Woo I loved this movie. In my opinion it is like a more comical, less serious and easier version of Into the Wild. I know i know, there is no similarity between these two movies, yet both of them raise that urge in the audiences to explore the world and travel far far away. The scenes are amazing, and the soundtrack is perfect. It is pretty funny as well. So I would recommend this as an easy choice for anyone, or maybe as a family movie would be lovely as well.

3. Winds of September:

Love the poster. If Te was here we would definitely do a remake of this. Unfortunately, no mind-like partner in crime here.

If you are someone who would into movies about friendship/ highschool/ youth time like Blue Spring, You are the apple of my eyes, Sunny etc you would love this movie. It is about a group of male high school students going through their youth with secret hangouts, close-knit bromance, sexual interests and such - basically what you would expect from a gang of high school boys. After watching this movie I have a very strong feeling of wanting to be a boy lol, because even when I think I have many boys-best-friends, I would never experience that kind of boys friendship - which is something very strong and loyal. It has a sad ending, but very gentle. Anyway I wish there would be a movie like this in female-version. The only female-friendship movie I like is Sunny (I cried like hell watching this haha) but the characters are much younger; so yeah, if you have any recommendations, let me know. (Lol talking like anyone would read this, very cool Khoai, very cool)

4. Frozen

I would not include this if I didn't just finish it today. I have seen many good reviews and recommendations of it so I thought it would be very good or different from other Disney movies. But for me it is just not that special with a very classic (said, repeated) formula. Or maybe I am just not interested in classic Disney movie anymore (speak from someone who watched The Parent Trap for the n time this week and cried like a baby). It is made by the same creators with Tangled, and I do find both movies have many similarities (funny animal, lovable side-character, un-ordinary princess and prince-charming etc). The ending is a bit surprising though, and that's the only thing I like about this movie. So if you like Tangled (I don't), you would love this movie (Unfortunately, I don't).


I watched a lot more than this, so very quick opinions from some of them here: The Spectacular Now (Okay, classic teen movie, easy plot, easy watch and easy to forget), Dear Lemon Lima (Very cute and quirky), Lust Caution (Sensual and intense, not really like it but I think it's still good), Up the Poppy Hill (every Ghibli movie is a worth watching movie, I love this one), Pretty Baby (I loved Lolita, so I thought this would be something similar, but I find it very boring and hard to watch somehow)... Properly I did watch more other movies but just couldn't remember anything at the moment.

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Lately I have been burying myself in books. I have difficulty in focusing on one thing, so sometimes I would read several books at once, and then watch a movie, and then read something else again. But since I have spare time on bus going to and back from work, I have started bringing along a book to read. My favourite so far is "The perks of being a wallflower", "Reality boy" and "Sputnick Sweetheart". "Looking for Alaska" is a pretty good book as well. Currently reading "Never let me go" and "Is everybody hanging out without me" (hilarious book! I have been giggling all my way to work because of it). Because of this new interest now my ideal place would be anywhere I can lie down and read a book. Meow.

One fine lazy afternoon

Oh and I made an account on Goodreads as well! Let's be friends there!

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WHAT I HAVE BEEN LISTENING:

I found this song while I was reading "Reality Boy" by A.S King, and somehow these two match each other perfectly, at least from how I interpret them. "Reality Boy" has become one of my favourite book, so every time I listen to this song I would think about the book and the emotion I had reading it, I would remember Gerard's messed up life and his frustration and everything like that. The song itself is really nice as well, since I had a bird inked on my skin, I have been naturally attracted to bird-related thing haha. It is very sad, yet poetic.

"we are all building and people inside

never know who walk through the door

is that someone that you met before?"

 It's 1:20 am now. I should go to bed, then wake up and have a bath, and finally finish that email for my dear friend, and go to work. Hope it will be a better week.

Bye x

No more champagne

To be honest I don't have any particular feeling toward New Year, or Christmas, or any festive occasion at all. I was the type of kid who gets all hyper and excited about that sort, and now all I did was looking at fireworks and wanting to smoke. One of the thing I have learnt (through movie, how profound) and realized its true-ness this year is happiness is only true when shared. And this time the people I want to share it with are somewhere far far away.

The last day of 2013, I went out for a date with myself. Coffee and cake and shopping and stuff, like how I did it back home. Date-with-oneself always brings that nice, calming feeling. Like no one can interfere you and no one can make you sad. But when you realized that you are by yourself by choice, but also because there are no choices left, it was kinda sad. But I am okay. And this time I mean it.

My heart and my head are always a mess. Most of the time I would be having a crush on someone or getting over someone. Like I always need to need people, if that even makes sense. Later this year I have decided that it was all of crap, it was like an eternal light from the sky come right down my face and enlighten my life (this is supposed to be sarcastic okay?..). But yeah, I mean, yeah. For the time being I am crap-free, and I am pretty much happy about it.

The first day of 2014 I slept through till 2pm. It was raining and I found myself spying on the colorful bird outside the window. I stayed in, finished a book, cooked the I-just-need-to-be-full kind of meal, talked to friends back home and that's it. My skin smelled nice thanks to "rose-and-vanilla-on-discount" bottle of body wash. I am going to work tomorrow. And I want to go to the library to collect some more books. Recently I have been happily buried myself with books and words. Thinking of doing book review but it will be really weird to use words to criticize words, especially when my words are boring.

Books for the holiday

It sucks that I always need to sort out how-I-feel-about-things. Because there are moments like this when I feel nothing and then feel confused because how the fuck can I feel nothing when it is new year I supposed to feel something??? Ha.ha.ha.okay.bye.

From "Love and Misadventure" by Lang Leav. Wonderful poems. I will surely re-read and make deep, thoughtful screencap of my phone about it on Instagram #sodeep #wow #khoaiisgettingdeep