Letter to November // 2014

My letter to November.

Inspired by Emily Diana Ruth series Letter to July (https://www.youtube.com/user/emilieofnewgloom)


It seems like just yesterday that I was still in Melbourne, walking in the streets, preparing for a lonely Christmas. Now, November, you are now the month that mark my first heartbreak. You make me realise that people can move from loving you madly, to nothing at all. Life is short, and everyone is an independent star shinning by yourself, crossing each other by accident. And then leave. November, I have never cried as much, hurt as much. I remember gasping for air in my lung when the room was shaking and can never imagine what it is like that my life from now on will not have a very wonderful significant other. I guess I am back to being lonely. But hey, don't worry, because you also make me realise how strong I am, how I myself have the strength to do anything with my own bare hands and my own bare heart. So, November, I know that I have been awful, but I will be alright, just how life is. I hope you will tell December to take it easy on me. Till we meet again, goodbye.

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Something new I would like to try. Tell me what you think, how can I improve it, and if you want to do something similar please do!

The moment captures us

Heyy,

How are you? I have just received my film roll. This must be the roll that I took the longest time ever to finish, nearly 5 months. There are photos that I don't remember taking, and there are moments that are not in the pictures but I remember so clearly that I did. Oh well, one thing I realise is that things haven't changed much, or maybe not at all. New friends remain new, old friends remain old, nothing really significant to remember. Is that sad? Or is it just the way it is? Yesterday I watched Boyhood and in the last part the mom cried and said:

"This is the worst day of my life. I knew this day would come, except why is it happening now? First I get married, have kids, end up with two ex-husbands, go back to school, get my degree, get my masters, send both my kids off to college. What’s next? My own fucking funeral? I just thought it would have been better."

You may not understand it if you haven't watched the movie though. It is just, life just goes, really. And things will not hit you excitingly like in the movies, nothing fun or cool is gonna just appear, it is just dull, things happen and you are gonna get over it. If I am just gonna be the person I was 5 months ago, knowing the same people, doing the same things over and over again and then complain about it, what is next for me? Or does that even matter at all? Uhmmm, I know, handful of thoughts, I just really don't like the person I am now.

Brother from another mister. Haven't met him in like a year and a half because he is always busy. One day I texted "It is soo sunny let's meet" and we met and talked and talked and talked.

This is Bim, one of the very strange friends I have. We knew each other on Instagram and this is the second times we met. I was at my lowest at that time, so we bought some beers, went to the rooftop and watched sunset.

Alex went back to visit me for 10 days. This is the time we went to Trang An.

Jenny, a very talented film photographer I met on Instagram. Seriously, way talented.

Of course, little munchkin. Second grade and still silly and adorable as ever.

Pon

Xu and her friend. I met Xu for the first time right before I left for Melbourne and she left for India. And here we are, both back, nostalgic for the old places.

Blue on blue

And I just listen.

Listen to his side of the story when she cheated on him, she ignored him, she lied to him. Listen to her side of the story when she had to sacrifice too much and felt too lonely. Things just absorb in and slowly leak out in small streams out of my brain. After all this when love has vanished, the only things that left are just exhausting mistakes. But he will never know this and she will never know that. After all, that is what it is, they broke up. And life goes on.


It is something hurtful, even as just a mere outsider, watching love comes, and love breaks. I have listened to her since the day it started, I have teased them out of envy, I have seen this and that and watched it grew stronger day by day, I have known these two wonderful people by their love. And it now just simply disappear. I don't know, how can you feel so sad and regretful when you are not even in the picture?


And life just goes on. I guess after a while things will be okay. Someday probably they will send me happy message about their new life, the new one that makes things feel so right. And I will be so happy for them, truly. There is always a "next one", "don't be so silly, everything is replaceable" he said, how lovely and sad that is.


And I have to move on as well.

No Face

Because face is deceiving, sometimes. 

Because once in a while people should see you in the movement of your hands, in the way your hair flow and the beating of your heart..

P.S: Damien Rice's new album is finally out, just in time for the season of broken hearts. Have heard so many sad stories lately, I just hope they found each others hands again in this chaos of life. Sigh, take care my friends.